Weary

I am weary to my bones and the real work hasn't even started yet.

We still have no place to live.  3 houses were found for us but no fenced in yard and I cannot imagine Charlie and Kali, the two runningest dogs in the world, living without a yard.  So we wait and keep looking.

We need to buy more clothes or use the laundromat at the hotel but that seems like so much work - both buying an washing.  I realized the the majority of the clothes I've already bought are black or black and white, perfect for a funeral.  I already have the pyre.

I am so tired of eating out.  We don't have to pay for it but we are always eating out, except for Sunday when Josh, at the neighbors' house stuffed me full of his spaghetti.  I can't wait for home cooked meals again, even if it is just grilled cheese.

I try to be grateful that we all got out, and I am, I truly am but I seem to forget that when a very long weekend looms before me.  Before there was never enough time to do what I wanted to do.  Now there is all this time and so little to stuff into it. 

I have a hard time getting motivated at work, not the way to be when our business has two employees, me and the husband, and I seem to do most of the work anyway.  My fingers don't work and all kinds of odd things flow from them.  The backspace and the delete key are fast becoming my friends. 

I am frustrated at being banned from my craft room.  I was even going to scoot forward on my stomach like one would rescuing a child on ice but Josh told me firmly NO!  I was rather annoying about it but he was firm.  So I listened.  Such a switch as if he were the sensible mother and I a knuckleheaded kid.  For the record, Josh was never a knucklehead.

I went to the tree in the back yard beneath which we have burried our lost pets.  I explained to them what was happening, cried like a baby and then wiped the tears away before anyone saw.  People are remarking on how well I'm taking this, but I'll let you in on a little secret.... I"M NOT!!!  Only I won't let anyone see.

I have called no one and told them about this and feared there would be a write up in the paper but the only place it appeared was in someplace called Elkridge Patch on line.  Whew.

I've told my list family and they have rallied around with words of encouragement.  They have my heart.

I'll probably be my old self soon, only I don't know if that's a positive or not.  I certainly hate feeling like this.

On that note I will crawl into my car that smells like a rolling bbq joint and head out to what, for now, is home.